Some random thoughts...
Sent to her on Sept 22, 2009
It is difficult going through all this...
You being in pain and sick all the time it really has affected me.
I try to disassociate myself from the troubles, but find myself even more caught up in it.
Empathy has gotten the better of me I guess you could say. Getting Married seems to be the easy thing to do.
The choices through out have lead us to where we are now. My biggest guilt is not loving you more.
It is a huge conviction that I find myself taking it out on you. Yet really it is me...
How I want to be so affectionate to you. Giving you small kisses all over.. Growing old..
What does it take to get to this point? I am at point of no return head over heels running towards you.
It is crazy to think that you are my conviction, to build to love and over all the greatest sin in my life is not loving you more.
Is it even possible? Not loving you more to be sin? How I want to have a heart that grows and grows and never runs out of room.
What capacity would it even have to fill?
How blind that I am and depth that I walk. I hope that I can see...
I hope and pray that I can fight when fighting is needed. Live when life even when it is down.
What I would do to be so naive and young in my mind once again.
That's my prayer... To be naive and hold to a big heart that the world is conquerable.
So when I am with you there is so much room, so much naive in the sense of what is the norm.
And the only limitation is by what level of imagination we have.
I am sorry that I have not loved you more, nor explained how much you mean in my life.
Let alone how beautiful and what a position you have in my life.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Married..
Marriage is exactly what everyone says it is and exactly what everyone says it is not. This is very confusing I know, but when you finally get married you will begin to understand.
From the time I was a little kid and right before I got married I dreamt of being married, having my own family, and even having kids. When you hear the saying life is short.. Let me say yes this is so true. See while you are younger time passes slowly, but as time passes it decreases exponentially.
I would say that this is caused by responsibility. We all have the same amount of time, it is what we do with that time that matters. So adding to being married. You will find your time to be short and spending your time appropriately will lead to whatever success you have with it.
From my own observations I find that success in marriage is found only by the time you put into it. If you put little into it you will get little out. On the opposite if you put a lot into it then you will get a lot in return. This analogy can also be used when studying for a test. If you do not study then you may fail, however, if you do study then you may pass...
Now here is the trick... Just "studying" will not make you pass the test. The quality and the diligence behind the studying is what makes you pass the test. Not the amount of time put into studying. With all this being said here is the part that makes this a "Trick Question." Even if you are diligent and study hard, in the end you may still fail the test.
Life always has curve balls and when you are willing to take into account that you may get hit upside the head. Marriage may be right around the corner for you. Trying to figure everything out right off will never get you any closer to understanding each angle.
Marriage is about the willingness to fail, succeed, and putting in diligent time into the relationship. If one side fails to operate in this, both sides lose.
Strange how all this comes from only being married for almost seven months now..
From the time I was a little kid and right before I got married I dreamt of being married, having my own family, and even having kids. When you hear the saying life is short.. Let me say yes this is so true. See while you are younger time passes slowly, but as time passes it decreases exponentially.
I would say that this is caused by responsibility. We all have the same amount of time, it is what we do with that time that matters. So adding to being married. You will find your time to be short and spending your time appropriately will lead to whatever success you have with it.
From my own observations I find that success in marriage is found only by the time you put into it. If you put little into it you will get little out. On the opposite if you put a lot into it then you will get a lot in return. This analogy can also be used when studying for a test. If you do not study then you may fail, however, if you do study then you may pass...
Now here is the trick... Just "studying" will not make you pass the test. The quality and the diligence behind the studying is what makes you pass the test. Not the amount of time put into studying. With all this being said here is the part that makes this a "Trick Question." Even if you are diligent and study hard, in the end you may still fail the test.
Life always has curve balls and when you are willing to take into account that you may get hit upside the head. Marriage may be right around the corner for you. Trying to figure everything out right off will never get you any closer to understanding each angle.
Marriage is about the willingness to fail, succeed, and putting in diligent time into the relationship. If one side fails to operate in this, both sides lose.
Strange how all this comes from only being married for almost seven months now..
Friday, August 14, 2009
Finding yourself
Finding yourself is like finding a needle in a haystack.
Nearly impossible, especially when the needle looks almost l like the haystack.
You could find that needle, but only after spending hundreds of hours and possibly years finding it.
Now what if that haystack was over three foot ball fields could you find it then?
What is the point in trying to figure yourself out when it is darn well impossible?
Simply it cannot be done. Forgetting the fact that it is impossible, but rather it is not complicated at all.
You have hay and then you have a needle. Some of you would say oh I can find it. Ill simply start from one end and work my way through. Sure you could do that, but what if you missed it. While you were moving the hay from the section that is unchecked. Then you are looking through a portion that does not even have it! Let me take you through this then..
You are not of this world, but you are in it. The world is like a giant haystack and you are a needle in it.
Quiet simply the best person in the whole universe to even find that needle is Jesus Christ.
Trying to find it as a human is impossible, but Jesus Christ makes the impossible possible.
Letting go of who you are and doing soul searching is the hardest part of life. Who am I? The vary question can drive someone insane and often consume them. What do I want? What do I dream? These things we have to give to Christ. Praying that he will show us the road that he will open the doors. But we have to walk through the doors with courage and faith that he will prosper us. Even if we fail in the process we must try again. Because life is not without it's failures and success.
We in the end are in control over what we do with our lives. Finding ourselves is a life journey in that we learn of the process of life. In that we will find out it's many secrets, darkness, and many beauties. If we hold on to all that is bad then all we will see is that of the darkness, but if we hold on to what is good and heavenly we will find that in life we find death. And from that event there is something so much more beautiful. Eternity.
Eternity is such a massive word that we cannot even comprehend, hence why we have no idea of what it is like to even see God in the face. If God is eternal then he must be able to figure out who you are. After all are you all that big? Or even all that complicated? Search for Him, find yourself. Ask Him who you are.
Nearly impossible, especially when the needle looks almost l like the haystack.
You could find that needle, but only after spending hundreds of hours and possibly years finding it.
Now what if that haystack was over three foot ball fields could you find it then?
What is the point in trying to figure yourself out when it is darn well impossible?
Simply it cannot be done. Forgetting the fact that it is impossible, but rather it is not complicated at all.
You have hay and then you have a needle. Some of you would say oh I can find it. Ill simply start from one end and work my way through. Sure you could do that, but what if you missed it. While you were moving the hay from the section that is unchecked. Then you are looking through a portion that does not even have it! Let me take you through this then..
You are not of this world, but you are in it. The world is like a giant haystack and you are a needle in it.
Quiet simply the best person in the whole universe to even find that needle is Jesus Christ.
Trying to find it as a human is impossible, but Jesus Christ makes the impossible possible.
Letting go of who you are and doing soul searching is the hardest part of life. Who am I? The vary question can drive someone insane and often consume them. What do I want? What do I dream? These things we have to give to Christ. Praying that he will show us the road that he will open the doors. But we have to walk through the doors with courage and faith that he will prosper us. Even if we fail in the process we must try again. Because life is not without it's failures and success.
We in the end are in control over what we do with our lives. Finding ourselves is a life journey in that we learn of the process of life. In that we will find out it's many secrets, darkness, and many beauties. If we hold on to all that is bad then all we will see is that of the darkness, but if we hold on to what is good and heavenly we will find that in life we find death. And from that event there is something so much more beautiful. Eternity.
Eternity is such a massive word that we cannot even comprehend, hence why we have no idea of what it is like to even see God in the face. If God is eternal then he must be able to figure out who you are. After all are you all that big? Or even all that complicated? Search for Him, find yourself. Ask Him who you are.
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